Julie and Eamonn Chipperfield-Carr seemed to have a
charmed life. Madly in love after
ten years together and running a successful business from their home, they still
had hundreds of hopes and dreams to be fulfilled.
But those dreams were tragically ripped apart
when Eamonn died suddenly if an illness the couple did not even know he had.
Eamonn was 34 when a passing postman found him
dead in his car. He had died
suddenly of myocarditis, an inflammation of the heart, less than an hour after
kissing his wife goodbye as he headed off to the supermarket.
His death devastated Julie and she has spent the
last two years attempting to piece together a life without him.
Today 32-year old Julie is cheerful and
optimistic but there is a sadness about her when she talks about Eamonn and how
much she loved and misses him.
“He was just such a wonderful man,” she says.
“He was always arranging little surprises for me and doing everything
he could to make everyone else’s lives happier.”
Julie and Eamonn met when they both worked in
catering at an Acocks Green hotel. They
worked alongside each other for a year before Julie picked up the courage to
admit she had fallen for him.
“At the time I was engaged to someone else,”
she says. “But then Eamonn told
me he was going away to America to find a new job and I just old him I thought
the world of him and I would finish my relationship of he stayed.”
“He went for two weeks and from the moment he
came back we were together.”
And the two were inseparable.
“After two weeks he asked me to marry him and
three months later we got married. We
went up to Dunfermline in Scotland and dragged two witnesses of the street.
“All my friends and family were surprised but
they were happy for me as Eamonn was just perfect. He was one in a million.”
The couple worked across the country, running
hotels and pubs before deciding to set up their own business. They began a shop and café in Yardley Wood Road but
eventually moved the business into their Kings Health home where they sold
pre-packed sandwiches.
Then one morning in September 2000 their life
together ended. Julie remembers the
day in minute detail.
“Eamonn used to pick up the baguettes and food
from the Tesco store each morning,” she says.
“He got up at about 3am and I would get up at 4am.
About 7am he went off to Tesco as usual.
“He was slightly late back but I put it down to
traffic. I tried his mobile but he
had left it here.”
“We used to supply sandwiches to a lot of
police officers and one came around to pick up his lunch and I said to him that
Eamonn was late and there must have been an accident somewhere. He said he would find out and let me know.”
“Then three police women knocked on the door.
I thought they had come for food. They
said could we go into the lounge.”
”I still hadn’t realised it was anything different until they told me they
were sorry but Eamonn had been found dead in his car.”
”I said there was no way and there must have been a mistake.
They made me tea and asked me to go and identify the body.
Even in the car I thought they had made a mistake.”
It was the beginning of the worst time of her
life. And the situation was made
worse by the fact pathologists could not determine a cause of death.
“His car had been found half on and half off
the pavement and he was leaning over as if he was reading a map,” says Julie.
“He hadn’t even had time to switch off the engine.
But they couldn’t say why he had died.
He was a perfectly normal and healthy human being.
“What was worse were all the rumours.
People knew he had been found dead in his car and made their own
conclusions. It was really a
terrible time.
“I was so lucky to have my mum and dad who
helped me though it. I couldn’t
do anything.
“I had to give up the business; I developed a
phobia about the phone and just couldn’t talk to people on the telephone.
I felt like I was going crazy. Grief
just zaps you.”
“I had become very depressed and negative.
I couldn’t sleep and would have panic attacks.
All my confidence was lost and I just couldn’t deal with anything.
“The fact that he had died alone really hurt
me. We had always been together and
I just kept wondering whether, if I had been there, there was anything I could
have done.”
It took six months before a final inquest
determined Eamonn had died of a slight inflammation of the heart. But doctors were unable to say whether this was a condition
he had inherited or which had developed recently.
A keen sportsman Eamonn had appeared healthy.
He played football and had completed 18 holes of golf just four days
earlier.
“When I look back maybe there was warning
signs,” says Julie. “He had had
a tightness in his chest but he suffered from asthma so we just thought it was
that. He had been dizzy once or
twice.”
Julie then set about learning everything possible
she could about myocarditis. She
bought a computer and spent hours in the internet tracking down the charity
Cardiac Risk in the Young.
It took her ten days to pluck up the courage to
call but once she did, she knew she had made the right decision.
Here at last were people with whom she had a shared experience.
As a young widow, Julie had found her role had
changed.
“Many people just didn’t know what to say,”
she recalls.
“Some would cross the street when they say me.
Talking to me would make people cry and that made me uncomfortable.”
“I did undergo some counselling but it wasn’t
geared for young people. People
would say it was alright because I was young and I would fine someone else –
like you could just pick up Eamonns at Tesco.”
“I have some really good friends but there are
also people who leave you alone because they cannot cope with death.”
“I still wear my wedding ring and have kept my
married name. When I meet people
and tell them my husband is dead they give me this look – I think ‘Oh no,
the widow stare’. I hate that
word. It brings up images like the
Scottish Widows advert. I can’t
identify with it.”
Julie rises from grief
Julie is a strong woman and has somehow managed
to deal with the past two year. While
the pain and loss remains, she has succeeded in pulling herself out of despair
and finding a new direction.
“I couldn’t go back to catering because
Eamonn was always a part of that,” she says. “So I went back to college. I am doing a Build Your Skills course which aims to help
build self-confidence and assertiveness.
“I have done sociology and psychology,
computing, reflexology, Bach flower remedies – it is a pretty packed
course.”
And even during the summer break Julie is keen to
continue her studies and is learning complementary therapies including Indian
head massage. She has also decided
to train as a counsellor with CRY.
“CRY does so much good work for people but it
is also campaigning for checks on people’s hearts.
“A simple test would have shown that Eamonn had
this problem and his death could have been prevented.
If it could stop this happening to anyone else it has to be worth
doing.”
Julie is determined to look forward with Eamonn a
part of her life but with her own identity.
She says: “I feel like there have been three
Julies in my life. The Julie who
was with Eamonn, the Julie after his death and this Julie who is somebody
else.”
“I am gradually getting my confidence back and
I want to try and have an identity as Julie not as Eamonn’s widow.
Charity highlights sudden death toll
Cardiac Risk in the Young (CRY) was formed seven
years ago by Alison Cox.
The charity targets the under-35s and aims to
raise awareness of a number of cardiac conditions and support people who suffer
from them or who have seen their loved ones die as a result.
It does this by:
- Campaigning
for a screening programme;
- Funding
a counselling programme to offer support to families;
- Maintaining
a network of parents, siblings and partners who have seen young loved ones
killed by sudden death syndrome;
- Raising
money for technology for hospitals and cardiologists;
- Raising
awareness among the general public and medical specialists of the symptoms,
which are breathlessness, palpitations, dizziness and fainting.
But Alison says they still have a lot of work to
do.
“I was told the chance of such a death
happening was one in a million,” she says.
But within a year we knew it was happening four times a week.
“Three years later we were told it was eight
times a week and we believe new research which is due to come out soon will show
this is a conservative estimate.”
“But we need to raise awareness of the problem.
A 22-year old woman rang me this week saying she had gone to a
cardiologist suffering from the symptoms and had been told it was nothing
because she was too young.”
“The most heart-breaking phone calls I receive
are from mothers who took their child to heart specialists and were told they
were just being fussy mothers and that child is now dead.”
“My dream is for every child to have an ECG to
check for heart abnormalities. I
know it costs but people die who have these problems which are not being
detected.”
“What
was the cost of Eamonn’s death? What
is the cost to Julie and the hundreds of other people that have seen loved ones
die?”
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