We agreed that it would be
best for her to visit the doctor the following morning for a check up. When
I got home from the football later that evening, it was evident she was in
quite a lot of pain and she had therefore been taking various painkillers (I
questioned precisely what at the time to ensure she was not overdoing it on
the dosage). I rubbed some ibrofen muscular pain relief gel into her
shoulder to try and help her. We stayed up a little later than usual that
night, to catch up as we normally would in the evening.
In the early hours of the
next morning, and having been unsettled throughout the night, Kerry-Anne
told me she was going into the spare bedroom for a while to allow me to get
some sleep before our routine early rise for work. A few minutes after 5am
I heard a noise. When I went to check on Kerry-Anne I was alarmed to find
her lying on her front in the lounge. Initially, and perhaps somewhat
confused at the time, I thought she must have been lying in this position to
be most comfortable for her shoulder pain (or perhaps even joking around
with me as we often would).
I asked her several times
what she was doing as I approached her. When I turned her over I knew
something was very wrong. I immediately called 999. I then did everything
I could to try and resuscitate her. I was constantly talking to her,
pleading with her to stay with me and telling her that I loved her. When
the ambulance did finally arrive, my initial reaction was relief, though
this was immediately replaced with a feeling of disbelief at what was
happening in front of me, realising that it was probably too late. The
first thing I did was to call Kerry Anne’s parents and urge them to get
round quickly (they live minutes drive away). I distinctly remember hearing
their footsteps walking up the stairwell, in the knowledge of what they were
about to confront.
Kerry-Anne was age 30 and
seemingly healthy. We later discovered at the inquest that she had suffered
a cardiac arrest, as a result of viral myocarditis (inflammation of the
heart). Kerry-Anne is now at peace with her grandparents at St Mary’s
church, in Cahir Co. Tipperary (the place of her Christening). The whole
family has been left devastated.
The sudden and unexpected
nature of Kerry-Anne’s death makes things extremely difficult to come to
terms with (providing no time for any preparation or goodbyes). Kerry-Anne
was very special and the most precious person in my life – she meant
everything to me. She was my soul mate and the person who I confided in and
shared everything with, so life is very empty without her. I am, however,
extremely thankful for the precious years we shared and I will be eternally
grateful to Kerry-Anne for the unconditional love she gave me.
I am finding that the best coping strategy is to
avoid thinking about the future without Kerry-Anne as this is too painful.
I prefer to focus on positive things and I am therefore keeping busy by
running, going to the gym, learning to cook (Kerry-Anne spoilt me in this
respect, though I am finding the chore of cooking surprisingly therapeutic),
learning to play the guitar and yoga.
CRY has been an immense source of support for me
and through their family conference and bereavement days; have enabled me to
learn much more about the medical conditions associated with SDS; and given
me the opportunity to meet and share experiences with other families
affected by SDS. I am therefore intent on doing my best to help CRY.
Kerry-Anne and I spent many a Sunday afternoon
in Pinner Memorial Park, with a picnic listening to their summer jazz
concerts and this therefore seemed the most appropriate location for a
memorial bench and tree (a double blossoming wild cherry tree). It is very
peaceful to sit by the pond, especially in the spring when the wildlife
comes to life. The quotation on her bench reads:
“What we have once enjoyed we can never
lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”
Gary Horn
Sources of support I have found helpful
include:
CRY
Dr Andy Hogarth, Specialist Registrar,
Cardiology (and best friend from University)
Canon Robert Plourde, St Luke’s Church Pinner
“I wasn’t ready to say goodbye” – Brook Noel and
Pamela D.Blair, PHD
“On grief and grieving” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
and David Kessler
“Death and how to survive it – Kate Boydell
“Grief counseling and grief therapy” – J.
William Worden
“Bereavment” – Colin Murray Parkes and Holy G.
Prigerson
”The art of happiness” HH Dalai Lama and Howard
C. Cutler
The songs which were played at Kerry-Anne’s
funeral were:
"Stand by me" – by
Ben E King
"You do something to
me" – by Paul Weller (this was meant to be our first dance)
I also wish we had played
“Isn’t she lovely”
by Stevie Wonder
