At about 12
midnight I was getting ready to go to bed. I looked around the house for
James to say goodnight but could not find him. I thought this a little
odd that he had not returned home. He was a thoughtful young man, and would
have normally phoned to say if he had met one of his friends and was going
off somewhere else. I thought he may have had problems with the car, and
set off on foot towards the garage.
As I walked
from the house, I could see James lying partly on the pavement, and partly
in the road. I rushed to him initially thinking he had been hit by a car.
I shouted for help and a doctor living in the street came out to assist.
Within minutes an ambulance was also on the scene. Between us we did
everything conceivable but were unable to revive him. He was taken to our
local hospital, and about half an hour later we were told he had died.
We were
interviewed by the police several times, and there were house to house
inquires. After a couple of days the police seemed to think there were no
suspicious circumstances and were no longer involved.
When
thinking things through we know James did drop the car off, and was probably
running home. His keys were found just behind his body, and there were some
minor abrasions on his arms. He probably passed out when running, and would
have been dead within minutes. On reflection, when I found him he was
unnaturally cold, and had probably been dead for about half an hour.
The
post-mortem showed no cause of death, and his Death Certificate was issued
with “Death by unascertained natural causes”. We were never happy with
these findings, or the certificate. We believe that fit and health young
people do not drop dead naturally, or without reason.
In the
ensuing weeks I was very lucky to come across CRY. Alison introduced us to
Dr Sanjay Sharma, and after visits to his clinic he thought James may have
died from “Long QT” He told us that our daughter Abi may have the same
condition, but that to find out more we would need to have genetic testing.
Unfortunately that was not available within the NHS in England at the time,
and our samples were sent off to Denmark.
It took a
further two years to find out that no other family members carried the same
gene that was thought to be responsible for James' death. In our
understanding, James had a “rogue gene” that he did not directly inherit
from either my wife Sandra or me. Investigations failed to find any history
of sudden death in our families.
We tried to
have James death certificate changed to show the true cause of death, but
were advised that to do so would have been very expensive. On reflection we
thought James would not have wanted that, and have left it. However, we
believe that in the light of the evidence it should be possible to change
it. We may return to this in later life.
We have
found some comfort in James' music. He used a spare bedroom at home as a
music studio, and had a drum kit, guitars and a mixing desk set up. What we
did not know was the amount of material he had written and recorded. I
spent last winter (2008) working through his material, mainly stored on old
audio tape, and transferred it onto DVD. We plan to give copies to family
members.
About a
year ago Claire, one of his closest college friends, told us she and James
had been working on a new song at the time of his death. James had written
the music and Claire had been working on the lyrics. After James' death she
initially felt she could not finish the song, but has subsequently finished
it. The song has been released on a CD, and we are pleased to see his name
on the sleeve. We had a great night out when we invited guests to the
launch and listened to a live performance of the song.
This winter
I intend to work through some video tape we have of James playing with his
band at college, and will transfer that to DVD. It is some comfort that
although James is not here, we do have his music and these recordings.
James'
premature death has touched many family members. One of James' cousins ran
the London marathon and raised money for CRY, another cousin has just had a
tattoo in his memory, and James' sister Abi wrote a poem that she read out
at his funeral. It reads:
My Brother:
A gentle soul walking in the garden of life
Full of hopes and
dreams of his future —His music the voice, as words do not always come easy.
I shall always
remember his smile and the ways he made me laugh.
May he rest in the
clear light of the nature of his mind, open, empty and naked like a
cloudless blue sky.
May our happy
memories of him shine through the darkness of our sorrow
And teach us all
how precious life is.
We feel that
although James has not been with us for over eight years his story goes on
and we are still finding out things about him. We were listening to some
music he had recorded and heard someone playing a mouth organ. We were
amazed to find out it was James playing it. My brother-in-law has also given
us a DVD with some unseen footage of James as a young child on holiday.
Friends have said that these findings keep his memories alive. We hope that
continues.
In writing this I
find it hard to believe that eight years have past since James died. In
some ways I still expect him to walk through the door. I feel fortunate that
when I close my eyes I can still clearly see him, and hear his voice.
