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My
Story - poems
This page contains poems which have been
written by CRY supporters. If you would like your poem to appear on
this page, please email it to
mystory@c-r-y.org.uk or post it to the CRY office.
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My 12 year old daughter Kira wrote this poem at school for her
17 year old brother Jason who died in 2009. She misses him
so much. This was our last family picture, taken just six
weeks before his death.
Jason Chew
Average singer, Frisbee flinger,
...Guitar
Geek, Calls me a freak,
Funny Guy, Loves Sci-Fi,
Lovely Smile, Great Style,
McFly Lover, Got the same Mother,
Fab Memories, Loves that cheese,
Handsome Man, Says my nan,
Pinks his colour, Lady puller ;P
Tall Person, Really Fun.
And when he died, I cried.
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Dear Ronnie,
I
love you lots and lots,
And i miss you too,
Your hugs and smile,
Are my memories of you,
Pictures and photos,
Including lost memories,
Are all i have left of you,
My
dearest brother.
I
think you will agree,
Together,Me, Ricky, mum, My dad could rule the world,
I
had you all,
Now you have passed away,
And will only be in my heart and head,
Instead of here,
With me and your friends.
You had a lot of friends that cared for you,
I
don't know if you knew,
But we all miss you,
Dearest brother.
I
hope you are looking after yourself,
And having fun up there,
But down here we are worrying,
Please tell us that you are ok.
Thank you for all of the wonderful times that we had,
Them times were great,
But they are fading now,
Please help me get through this time,
Without any more agony.
I
wish i had you back,
Or
even something of that you kept,
To
remember you by,
And not to forget,
The brilliant brother,
That was the best of them all.
Please take care of yourself,
I
love you.
But now the time has come to say goodbye.
So
goodbye.
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"Shortly after
the sudden death of my son Christopher I began to write out my
feelings in this way, and have, in the first two years following
his death, written well over 100 poems. I am now in the process
of linking many of them with an image,
creating the 'Verse
& Image' set on Flickr."
Richard
Walker
Some examples from Richard's
'Verse & Image' Flickr set are presented below;
the full set can be seen here |
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 BETWEEN
THOSE SMILES
The
look of mischief
The smile disguising the next naughty move
The unread tale:
Books, cuddles.... too boring!
You understood: life was for living, exploring.
You rushed at life, running first, never walking.
Your early philosophy:
To cram as much into each day as possible.
Always be busy, investigating and —
should being mischievous be part of that —
then go for it!
An inquiring mind, continuous questions.
How? Why? You needed to know.
Matchboxes of creatures — woodlice, worms,
ants (which escaped), earwigs (fascinated, you disturbed
them with a twig to see arched backs and threatening pincers).
Accidents: the turmoil of hospitals, A & E.
Your crazy excitement for holidays, Christmas, birthdays.
Your longing to travel, see the world.
Your capacity to absorb. Your humour.
Your volcanic temper towards injustice.
Bold, daring at dangerous sports
yet understanding and caring.
Shouldering so much of everyone’s problems
Yet remaining loyal when friends’ divisions ran deep.
Always supporting family, friends, acquaintances.
You lit up a room with your presence
With an ability to draw in those around you
Sharing anecdotes, stories, rich humour.
Always expressing a sincere interest in others.
This
is why the void is so huge.
The loss impacted on everyone as we try to understand why.
Just as maturity beckoned: a fiancé, a house, a marriage planned.
 We did not have the chance to say goodbye.
It hurts and we ache because we all miss you so very, very much.
BUT we have your smiles
AND what a life you had between those smiles.
by
Colin and Sandra Mulford
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Final Journey
The room, with its medically sanitized smell,
was cool, bright and airy.
There in the middle, covered with a white plastic sheet, he lay.
On top, the poesy of buttercups and bluebells,
now wilted, was still with him.
Clothes, picked by close family and friends,
were neatly laid on a table nearby.
'I have come to dress you for your final journey, and…
'And, I am scared! Scared Graham! Scared…
'How do I do this final act?
'All I feel is fear…
'Fear of you as a stiff corpse…
'Fear that you might resist…
'Fear that I will let you down…
"Oh, come on Dad! Fearless remember…
"You dressed me as a baby…
"You can do it for me now!
"Heartless though I am."
'Respect', was the word, as Paul and Colin
donned blue plastic aprons and blue plastic gloves.
Following their lead, I too donned the plastic,
but then removed the gloves.
No barrier was to come between a father's hands
and his son's dead body.
The flowers and plastic sheet were removed,
Revealing the body of what was, a healthy young man.
A strip of plaster hid the post-mortem.
Cold to touch and rigor-mortis all gone,
The black vest was first to be threaded on.
One arm and then the other was gently raised, and gently lowered,
And the vest was carefully pulled over his head.
His whole body was then gently rolled;
Rolled first to the left, and then rolled to the right,
And the vest worked down. Mottled shirt, matching tie, black jacket and Chinos
all followed, until last of all, socks and shoes.
A plain wooden Cotswold coffin was wheeled in…
Gently, we three raised him… and,
Gently, we three lowered him in…
Appearing now peaceful it was a job well done.
Being left alone, father bent down and gently kissed his dead son…
"I had no time to rail 'against the dying of the light'…
"I had no time to rage against my final 'Good night'"…
'…Good night Graham, my lad… …Good night', I said;
'Perchance you'll dream'… he said.
by Keith Davies
Read more at:
http://blogs.myspace.com/kgdavies |
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Paul
A wounding emptiness now fills too many lives,
Yet the ringing echoes of that joyful laughter lingers in the air,
The loss was too surprising,
How could we lose someone so uniquely rare?
The heartache was immensely sharp,
The slash of a dagger,
It was hard to keep upright,
Trying hard not to stagger,
A hard lump choking the throat,
A clenching on the stomach holding on tight,
Suddenly tears are flooding the room
Was it right to take him away? Was it right?
It was a depressing and desolate autumn then,
Yet it felt like a thousand raw winters had gone by,
It was raining with a sorrow - constant sorrow,
But I knew he was there when I looked up in the sky.
Looking at the pictures now,
A soothing harmony embraces the heart,
He left fullfilling all his ambitions,
Reaching every target he'd set from the start.
When we first lost him,
I lived in the harrowing loneliness of the dark,
But now all I see is the luminous beauty of the light,
Because now I know that in all our hearts, he definitely left his mark.
by A. Tarannum
Written by a friend of Brenda Luckett in
memory of Martyn Luckett:
I see lots of
stars in the sky
One in
particular catches my eye
It twinkles
and seems to say
Don't worry
mum I'm okay.
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Grief
What is grief and what does it
mean
Where does it go where has it
been
It lies in your heat like a heavy
stone
It stabs like a knife when you’re
all alone
There is place in your heart for
it to lie
It will stay right there until
the day you die
No one can say when it will go
away
Because it will remain with you
every day
Some times in a little corner of
your heart
It will lie all quiet but is
still a part
It is who you are and who who’ve
lost
It reminds you daily of the great
cost
No one can say now is the time to
forget
Because time does not stop it’s
always set
Sad memories don’t go away but
give you hope
They will simply fade and you
learn to cope
Grief comes upon you without any
warning
It strikes at your heart in the
early morning
What makes you feel so very sad?
Is it a dream that you’ve just
had
Did you see your loved one again?
Did it bring back all that pain?
Never think that by now you’ll be
fine
There are no rules, no one can
define
The way you feel day by day
One year or two you cannot say
There is no time limit on feeling
better
Therefore think of lovely times
together
Play music dearest to your heart
And that way you will never be
apart
Keep a place in a corner of your
heart
For the grief that has torn you
apart
It is part of you and who you now
are
You know how much you will always
care
You cannot replace a loved one
ever
So keep them safe in your heart
forever
by Christine Abram |
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An expression of
my feelings
For Jason
Jason I will miss
you for the rest of my life,
you were the best wee brother in the world,
Who became my
friend, and I didn’t realise it at the time,
you were my rock.
I think of the
things you said or did with almost every passing day, its not just me who
Misses you, its
everyone who knew you,
especially your closest friends Si, Nick and Proc.
I don’t know if I
will ever get to know the reasons Why?
I only hope you’re
standing somewhere near,
when its my time to die.
You will always be
in my heart, your big sis….Caroline X.
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My Brother
A gentle soul walking in the garden of life
Full of hopes and
dreams of his future —His music the voice, as words do not always come easy.
I shall always
remember his smile and the ways he made me laugh.
May he rest in the
clear light of the nature of his mind, open, empty and naked like a
cloudless blue sky.
May our happy
memories of him shine through the darkness of our sorrow
And teach us all
how precious life is.
by Abi
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In memory of Stuart - my
precious son
Do you believe in life after death?
I do, truly. With every last breath.
For we once had someone heavenly sent
Put on this earth for a brief moment
And when he left the skies turned grey
The rain poured down for days and days.
But I will never forget the smile on his face
Or his wicked humour that made us laugh.
While he was here he touched many lives
And left a legacy of love to them all.
I believe I will see him again one day
Hug him and kiss him and able to say
How much I had missed him and how
My heart was broken that day
That day God took him away.
by Rosemary
Attridge |
Mummy's Boy
Mummy’s boy, born and bred
He could do no wrong, whatever anyone said.
I know you miss him so, but he’s still here
Watching us laughing and shedding a tear
No one will ever replace him or make the pain
go away
There will be good times and then there will
be a rainy day
We must keep our angel close and never forget
That he left a lasting impression on all
those he met
Nothing can close to a mum’s love for her
child born
The pain is deep and twists like a thorn
Look at these pictures and remember the fun
he gave you
And treasure those memories especially when
you’re feeling blue.
Poem written for my Mum
by Charlotte Luckett
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“Ronnie My
Boy”
I think back upon
the joy I experienced as I witnessed your growth and
achievements.
Can the fact that you are no longer here remove those memories?
No. They are with me always...
The happiness I felt, the pleasure you gave me, the many moments
of satisfaction.
Nothing can diminish that.
Truly, I wish it could have continued for many, many more years
Having done my
best, having given my all, I can only stand aside and grieve.
Yes I made
mistakes like many of us mum’s do but our role doesn't come with
a manual but my broken heart says it all
Thank you for giving me joy. Thank you for giving me happiness.
I was blessed to have had you with me for the time that fate
gave us.
Thank you for being my boy
Love from your Mum xxx
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A Special Friend
I
remember way back in December,
Liam Jack Ross, I miss him dearly,
and at times I show that clearly
he
was such a warm friend,
that nobody wanted things to end.
So
when I go out at night and look out far,
I
do know he's that Shining Star.
He
used to think I was posh,
but my personality he did not try to squash,
over lounge and living room we were in dispute,
and all his answers came out cute!
So
he asked me, is it a large liquid filled container
This amongst many other jokes made me laugh,
(Never before have I had so many laughs in Maths!)
Liam made me laugh in every way.
He taught me to be positive each and every day.
LIAM ROSS, WHAT A LOSS. XXX
by Rhianne Bertie
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Martyn Luckett
1985 - 2005
Cheeky chap, made everyone smile
Even if it was only for a little
while
God has chosen you to be his soldier
Forsaking us seeing you getting
older
There's a constant ache deep in my
heart
I won't forget you my dearest Mart
We had so much fun, so many memories
to keep
They're locked in my mind,
cherished, oh so deep
I hope you are happy and looking
down
Keeping that cheeky grin and not a
frown
I hear your voice and see your face
Life is no longer seen as a rat race
You're up there with good company I
know
Nan, Aunty Marg and others alike in
a row
Be peaceful my dear brother, I miss
you so
See you one day and we will dance
again I know!
Charlotte Luckett
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Kevin Says
I left a bit too early
But fate made it that way,
I’d love to come and see you all
If only for a day
My journey won't allow me
To visit now and then,
I will have to just live on
Through Yasmin, Brooke and Ben
I’ll always watch you closely
To
make sure you’re alright,
I’ll speak to you in your dreams
In the middle of the night
I did want a bit more time
There’s
things I want to say,
But I left a bit too early
Cos fate made it that way
KEVIN EATON 10/01/1979 - 22/07/2007
WRITTEN ON BEHALF OF KEVIN BY HIS WIFE LOUISA,
FOR ALL OF THOSE HE LOVED
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We have joined a group of elites
We have joined a group of elites,
Whose families are no longer complete,
But we’ve not lost our Dads & Mums
We have lost our daughters & sons.
So now we join the poor sad families,
Who regularly visit the cemetery,
Not to visit our wives or mother,
But to mourn our sons, brothers & lovers.
Those who didn’t meet their full potential,
For somehow they wasn’t meant to!
But for us all this is new,
We didn’t want to be among the few,
Those who’ve lost their children,
Whether by fair means or foul.
We really do wonder how we came to be here,
We shake our heads, how could my son be dead?
For here we are, each week by car
And here we lay the flowers & trinkets,
To stand & gaze and wonder how we can carry on without you
now!
For life is cruel and that’s for sure.
How could you go before us?
Its not the way of things.
I wanted to hold your children and hear them call you Dad.
But we never ever shall do and that to me is so so sad.
For my son you did nothing bad, you just enjoyed the life
you had.
Do not ask how I feel today, For I could not tell you the
truth.
For never more will I feel right,
So please don’t ask & I won’t lie.
When really I’m in the depth of sadness.
For how I feel could be termed as madness.
The loss immense, I shake my head,
It makes no sense, how could you so full of life,
Be dead, never more to walk this earth,
Never more to feel sun or rain.
How can I explain, those depths of despair,
For unless you’re one of the few,
You could not comprehend,
How life carries on without them, although we do not want it
to.
So here we’ve joined the group of elite.
Whose children were unique.
But to see them, hear them, feel them,
We must visit the cemetery.
Debbie Smart
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Its sometime now since you have gone
Its
sometime now since you have gone,
But
somehow we have to carry on,
We miss
your voice, your laugh and That Whistle,
So here
we are you’ve left us ‘ripples’
Since
you are gone, the sun has shone,
The
moon has waxed and waned,
But
life for us will never ever be the same.
No more
phone calls, ‘Alright?’
‘I’m
alright, you alright?’
‘Not
bad, Not bad’
No more
nights as jack the lad.
No more
Type R with stereo pounding,
For as
a young man you were outstanding.
You
shone at work, you shone at play,
But now
you’ve gone so far away.
What
shall we do, how can we cope?
For you
to us were such a good bloke.
We all
loved you, you loved us back,
Now how
can we fill this terrific gap
you’ve
left behind
In
truth we can’t, and nor do we want to,
For you
my son you were unique,
A one
off now life is bleak.
But for
me you did not die,
You are
not dead,
You are
in some far off land instead,
With
seas of blue and golden sands,
For
there you’ll walk on sun kissed shores,
Without
a care, without a worry,
No more
to the station in a hurry.
Not to
age, grow bald or fat,
You
really wouldn’t have liked that!
Old age
is a pisser, or so I’m told
For you
have left us to face the cold
of life
without you.
For
here you’ll be, up in the sun,
You
really are the chosen one.
So for
now, my son,
Night
night, god bless,
You
really were the very best!
Kevin Lee Smart 28.12.73 – 05.09.07
Debbie Smart
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I See No Ravens
Although this day is dark and grey
Although this day I might lose my
way
There is hope before me in the light
When towards new dawns I turn my
sight
As the shroud of darkness begins to
lift
And new beginnings stop the drift
There I see new ways to be
New horizons that beckon me
New paths to walk, new directions
seen
Like emerging from a long dark dream
In the shadows now there are no
omens
And now, at last, I see no Ravens!
Through parting clouds and clearing
skies
I see my life now in reprise
What luck it was to have been given
That life which now I know resides
in heaven
Note: I hope that in these lines
I reflect a new beginning. That terrible loss of my son can
never of course be forgotten, but I know that he would not wish
us to dwell upon his loss. We must take up new ways - we can
only live in the world as it is, and not as it was.
Richard Walker, November 2007
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Time Is No Healer
Your heart stopped beating two years ago
The same time mine broke in two
Life is hard now you're not here
Nothing the same without you
I ask questions still
That have no answers
So I can never rest
Although I know you are at peace
And I am trying my best
The nightmares linger on
They never go away
You are very much still in my life
That's good to know, you'll stay
Strange as it may be
Still here to help me
Just not for me to see
When I walk, I know you're there
When I talk you are in the conversation
When I cry, I hear you say
"Come on be strong now
I'm only a whisper away"
Do you remember, when each of us had any problems
They were the words we used to say
I know that you are with me Stu
They are the words I woke up with today.
For Stuart, my wonderful brother,
who passed away 2 years ago aged 44.
Deepest love and devotion.
Sandra Chapman |
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Precious Son
Marcus how I miss you
My heart so full of pain,
To think that you have left
Life will never be the same.
I talk to you each evening
In the hope that you will hear,
I sit with you in the daytime
Hoping you are still quite near.
Your car stands on the driveway
Each day it’s the first thing that I
see,
If only I could have a wish
That you were still here with me.
Your family still talk about you
I asked the question WHY,
I will hold you close within my
heart,
Until the day I die.
Jackie (Marcus’ mum)
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October
October, and the end of summer memories
A reminder now, when warm the sun shines
In those clear cloudless skies
A view across the open fields
Where new the furrows lie
These days, shorter now, but loved by
all
The autumn is before us when golden
leaves will fall
The forest, changed from its summer
cloak
Now begins its rest, awaiting winter
winds
To shed it’s dying canopy
Black fruits among the hedgerows
Beckon birds to feed
The tall, now dying grasses, offering
their seed
There is a busy preparation
A ‘making ready’ for winter snows.
These old train lines rusting and
forlorn
Still upon their sleepers and leading
nowhere.
The very last wagon now is just a shell
Standing by itself, stranded, no more
movement here
A bramble, climbing solid iron wheels.
People walking, they’re just passing by
Taking in the view, to the village on
the hill
To the tower of the church, weather
vane, and flag
The sound of far off bells, bring alive
this bright new morning
In October, with my memories still
burning!
Note: On a bright October day along
the Colliers Way cycle path between Bath, Radstock and Frome, on the
site of the old railway line, (the actual lines are still in place
along several miles of the route) how nice a day it was, warm
sunshine and lovely country views, what could be wrong with such a
day? Nothing, but in my mind as always I am reminded of my son and
all that could have been.
Richard Walker, October 2007 |
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An Angel’s Message
An angel flew down
from above
She was looking for
the perfect soul
Someone filled with
innocent love
As a new angel to
enrol
He had to be sweet
and kind
A perfect angel to
be
Not the quickest
soul to find
She knew it wouldn’t
be easy
But there he was sat
in class
As perfect as could
be
She had found her
ideal angel at last
To make others happy
On the shoulder she
did tap him
And whispered in his
ear
A new life he was
about to begin
One without any fear
So up to heaven she
did fly
With her new angel
in tow
He didn’t get chance
to say goodbye
But there’s
something he wants you to know…
He misses you every
single day
And loves you very
much
He wants to wipe
your tears away
With his healing
angel touch
Happiness is all he
wants for you
And to help heal the
pain
He is sorry for what
he has put you through
But promises you’ll
see him again
So to finish off be
very clear
That Dan is having a
ball
His new life is
filled with cheer
And no sadness AT
ALL.
In memory of Dan
Vavasour, by Aimee Pattenden |
The Marcus way
by Mick Jolly
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For my beautiful
daughter Katie Hayes
Nothing prepared me
for this
I never knew there
could be so much pain and sorrow
So many tears have
been shed
So many lives have
been devastated
Life seems so
fragile now
You use to light up
the room
The days are now
long and grey
Why were you taken
so soon?
You had so much life
to live
You had so much love
to give
You were an
inspiration, a beacon, a role model
You had such a
wonderful circle of friends
“You brought
happiness to all that met you
With that smile that
never stopped”
We were all supposed
to grow old together
Life now, seems to
be just an existence
I wanted to walk you
down the aisle
I wanted to hold
your child
Why do I feel so
much self-pity?
 I
try so hard to put on a brave face
But deep down I hurt
inside
The pain is hard to
bear
And through all this
mental anguish
I know life MUST go
on
I’ll take one day at
a time
The path of grieving
will be long and arduous
But I am surrounded
by all that you have left
I am proud to have
been your father
My love for you in
life and now in death
Will always be
unconditional
NOTHING PREPARED ME
FOR THIS
by John Hayes |
Our
Kasia
Our darling daughter is now not here,
And every day we shed a tear,
Hoping and praying that she is near,
Most of our days are so hard to bear,
Knowing that she is now not there.
We miss her laughter, fun and singing,
And all the joy she would be bringing,
I hear her voice saying "Don't be sad,
Please be strong my mam and dad."
by Kasia's mam
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Poem for Nath
We’ll never be
able to put into words
How much we miss
you Nath
We miss your
laughs, your jokes, your tricks,
Your happy smiling
face
We miss what you’d
have grown to be
As you achieved
your dreams
The friendship and
the love we’d share
How proud we would
have been
Now we just hope
through all our tears
As we still
question WHY???
That you’ve gone
to a better place
For a party in the
Sky!
by Angela Butler |
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Nature’s Angel
Hear my whisper in
the breeze
When the wind blows
through the trees
Feel my touch in the
air
And know that I am
always there
Hear my song with
the birds
And listen to my
every word
I sing to you all
day long
And hope that you
can hear my song
Hear my laughter in
the rain
Falling on your
window pane
See my smiles in the
sun
With every new day
begun
Feel my presence
with each wake
I am every breath
you take
Every time you go to
sleep
In your dreams is
where well meet
All around feel my
touch
I know it doesn’t
feel like much
But I am here every
day
Since the time I
went away
In memory of Dan Vavasour, by Aimee
Pattenden
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CRY
When a cherished one leaves overwhelming
the grief
Don’t want to know or even believe
When a loved one dies you sit and
CRY
Asking yourself the question why?
There smile forever a memory shared
There voice still prominent as if just
herd
The tears of sadness fall down my cheek
Desperate to talk, and hear you speak
Untold answers of why you left
Is there a reason for your untimely death?
Is there an answer or maybe a meaning
That could prevent this aching feeling.
I found a charity its called
CRY
They helped me understand, explained why.
In times of trouble and despair,
They listen well and show they care.
A silent killer UN-be-known
A child an adult not fully grown
It takes away from all of us
The smallest breathe with little fuss.
So every time you may feel
SAD
Remember the times that made you glad
Every time you want to
CRY
Just look for them up in the sky.
by Clare Sykes
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Coach Dominic (by Ellis aged 2)
We
met Coach Dominic at the beginning of October just after my 2nd
Birthday. I loved kicking and Daddy took me to little Kickers on a
Saturday in Chigwell, just me and him... well, me him and some other
boys and girls, all little like me and coach Dominic.
Coach Dominic was great, he didn’t mind if I did big kicks instead
of little ones, he always took my hand and showed me what to do, he
had a great little rhyme, ‘yummy, yummy in my tummy’ as we rolled
the ball around our tummies, followed by my favourite bit ‘Noooo’.
(Well he was a bit silly). He remembered every little boy and girls
name and made sure everyone was alright and got a go. I liked the
way he got me to do thumbs up before he blew the whistle, but didn’t
mind that I couldn’t quite get the difference between fingers and
thumbs, I never missed a high five with him though after I scored a
goal.
At
the end of the kicking he gave me a sticker, I always took that home
to Mummy and told her what we did with coach Dominic.
When
I got to little kickers last week Coach Dominic wasn’t there. Coach
Titch said something to Daddy and Daddy looked sad. I managed all
the things Coach Dominic had showed me for the first time, I hope he
was hiding and saw me...
In memory of
Dominic Brown, by Ellis Newman |
Coach Dominic (by Daddy aged 43)
Forty five minutes a week for 11 weeks is all we knew Coach Dominic
for, less than a day, but in that time I met a ‘young man’ that
Brian Clough would have been proud to know. He was fantastic with
the little people and they all responded to him. His warmth, humour
and patience with those kids was exceptional and they loved him for
it.
For
a life to be lost so suddenly, so unexpectedly, so young is tragic.
Ellis and I want to say thank you to Coach Dominic, you made a
massive impact on our lives in a short time, and you will continue
to live in the lives of all the children you introduced to the fun
of football.
Thank you Coach Dominic
In memory of Dominic Brown, by Mike Newman
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