His wallet and mobile were still on the
table and his running shoes were still not in the cupboard.
She started to get a little worried but gave
it a bit longer before she decided to contact my parents who live about 2 miles
away, to see if they had seen him (it was starting to get quite dark by now).
My mum contacted me to see if I knew his normal
running routes, of which he had many, so I told her that I would go out and
drive around for a bit to have a look. They were also going to drive
around and we’d meet at Kevin’s house. I drove around and - clutching at
anything - I drove to a pub he frequented as a youngster and went to have a
little look inside (in the hope that he’d bumped into someone he knew who’d
insisted on taking him for a beer). When I’d looked and with no joy, I rang my
mum to have a giggle at me having chosen a pub to search in...
We started to get a tad concerned by now, as it
was approaching 9.30pm and so I said I’d call the hospital to be on the safe
side. Still in my car and still outside the pub I phoned the local
hospital. After being put through to a few departments I eventually spoke to
the A&E sister who told me due to privacy reasons she couldn’t answer whether he
was there or not but would get someone to call me. At this point I panicked and
just knew it didn’t sound good, but I had to be strong for my mum and couldn’t
appear worried - although I’d phoned my boyfriend and burst into tears at the
prospect that there could be bad news awaiting us.
I drove to my brother's house and met my dad
walking up the road (he’d been looking through the woods as he was worried that
Kev could have collapsed there). My mum, Natalie and I all decided that we
couldn’t wait for someone to call us but we’d go to the hospital some 5 miles
away and ask for ourselves. My dad decided that he would carry on looking
through the woods with Kevin’s friend Ian, who’d come to help us look.
When we got to the hospital we were made to wait
as the receptionist knew nothing of anyone who had been admitted - she’d only
started her shift. We waited for approximately 10 minutes, which actually
felt like a lifetime, and, although you’re not supposed to have mobiles on, mine
remained on so I could await for a call from someone, anyone concerning my
brother.
The sister eventually came to get us from the
waiting room and as soon as she asked me whether the police had called, I knew
that we were going to be getting bad news. Even so, I remained hopeful
that we’d be taken into a ward where Kevin was being monitored or something!!
But once we were led into that room with the
uncomfy sofas you just knew you were going to receive bad news – the worst
possible news. A man matching Kevin’s description - a tattoo on his back
and a birthmark on his arm - had collapsed whilst out running and could not be
resuscitated. He’d had a cardiac arrest resulting in his sudden death. No
amount of resus could have helped him.
I rung
my dad to come over but the phones were playing up so my mum eventually got
through to him. We then had to wait for his arrival, along with the
police, before we had to go to the Chapel of Rest.
Its all a bit of a blur – knowing it was
happening but wishing so so badly that you were actually in a nightmare. My dad
arrived first, then the police, and we were then taken to see Kevin. As
soon as I walked into the room my stomach hit the floor – it all became real,
very very real...
After
a few minutes I went back into the ‘middle’ room where I had to sign all the
paperwork confirming this man was indeed my brother Kevin. Sadly at one point
the policeman called him John rather than Kevin, which just made it more painful
that Kevin was actually a 'John Doe' for a number of hours as nobody could
identify him.
This to me is the hardest thing to come to terms
with, as the thought of him being on his own with them not knowing a thing about
him haunts me.
How could my brother be lying dead there when he
was so full of life and enjoyed everything? There was so much more
potential - he had a great job; he was a fantastic uncle to my 2 boys (20 months
and 20 weeks at this time); and there was still a family of his own to fulfil –
it’s all so unjust…
We stood outside to contact my twin sister and
my younger brother. My partner Colin had already contacted my twin – what an
awful thing for him to have to tell her - but by the time I then spoke to her
she was already on her way back from Beccles (where her partner owns a pub).
What an awful journey that must have been because I know that the journey just 5
miles back from the hospital was bad enough.
There are so many things that you shouldn’t have
to do in this life, but dealing with your brother's funeral, finances, house,
etc is something a family shouldn’t have to go through.
There is a blog set up by Kev's close friend
Colin at
www.kevinpodssmart.blogspot.com/ - this is very much where we put our
feelings about Kevin down in ink (so to speak) and I look daily just to see his
picture...
Lynn Smart
