My Son is Dead – Poem by Kathryn Badon

I could not hear, I could not speak,

Where and how do you deal with this grief?

The blow, the bash –  excruciating pain,

I’ll never see my son again.

Oh breath, breath, breath

You cannot go – others will need you now you know.

My instincts draw me to his face,

I have to understand why he lost his space,

We go, the ferry slowly glides,

To the Isle of Man where my son’s body lies.

We go, and see an empty shell,

I cannot face this living hell.

I crumble, gazing’s not for me

I hope that he is now so free.

Away from cruelty on this earth,

Away from his mother who gave him birth.

What pain will now with me reside,

I don’t understand why my son died.

We climb the Laxey wheel so high –

Across to Ireland one can cast an eye,

My urge – to scream “My son is dead”,

I turn into myself instead.

One day I hope to find some peace,

But for now my fighting cannot cease.

Unjust, unfair, it should not be

I’ll love him through eternity.

In memory of my son Adrian, 

8th February 1987 – 30th June 2014

He died at age 27.