My Son is Dead – Poem by Kathryn Badon

I could not hear, I could not speak,

Where and how do you deal with this grief?

The blow, the bash –  excruciating pain,

Iโ€™ll never see my son again.

Oh breath, breath, breath

You cannot go – others will need you now you know.

My instincts draw me to his face,

I have to understand why he lost his space,

We go, the ferry slowly glides,

To the Isle of Man where my sonโ€™s body lies.

We go, and see an empty shell,

I cannot face this living hell.

I crumble, gazingโ€™s not for me

I hope that he is now so free.

Away from cruelty on this earth,

Away from his mother who gave him birth.

What pain will now with me reside,

I donโ€™t understand why my son died.

We climb the Laxey wheel so high –

Across to Ireland one can cast an eye,

My urge – to scream โ€œMy son is deadโ€,

I turn into myself instead.

One day I hope to find some peace,

But for now my fighting cannot cease.

Unjust, unfair, it should not be

Iโ€™ll love him through eternity.

In memory of my son Adrian,ย 

8th February 1987 – 30th June 2014

He died at age 27.